Friday, June 9, 2017
My heart aches, only God can console
Why wasn't it me? I have been sick for years with a chronic degenerative disease. (yes this was stated on our adoption applications signed by my Dr)
My immune system is weak and this winter we all had both influenza A and B about 6 weeks apart. My influenza was complicated with my poor immune system problems and other added concerns. I developed a secondary infection throughout my body. I had to take 2 super biotics, which caused a serious allergic reaction.
Mary Anne's second influenza was complicated with pneumonia. Pneumonia visited her often. She took the influenza meds (I did not) she had the flu shot. Pneumonia won.
I live, Mary Anne dies. The separation is so hard to bear.
And I ask God, why wasn't it me?
At my age winter kills off the weakest. We don't look forward to it. The boys came here with the same worry. Children died every winter at the orphanage. It's so good to see the boy's immune systems strong enough to fight this now. They have real fighting chances now as virus' hit. Their first winter here was with great concern- they were incredibly ill. Now they have fighting chances! Without antibiotics.
Only sweet Mercy had a scare this winter. With her first bout of flu, the Influenza A. She had a seizure and was whisked off in the ambulance. She was born here but still has so many unknowns with her health.
For example after tons of DNA research and many many medication considerations we found that the two things that help her self injurious behavior are not medications they are supplements!
The photo of the beautiful (inside and out) woman above is my friend of over 20 years JRH.
She died yesterday.
She was 60.
She did not get sick until last summer.
JRH and Mary Anne were born the same year.
JRH was born in November , Mary Anne in December.
They both would have turned 61 this year.
And they both died within 8 weeks of each other.
So much similar.
The empty spots left cannot be filled.
JRH cared for all of my children. The oldest were teenagers when she started caring for them. Then the middles came to her and now the youngest boys from Bulgaria, Mercy, and the teens saw her.
I could tell JRH anything. She was a huge supporter and became my friend. She was a very caring person. She was there when I had a risky pregnancy at 46 (I was 47 when he was born) and was Isaiah's Dr since birth (12 years). She was there for me as my daughters died.
She was a huge gift from God.
She was a strong Catholic and loved the Lord with all her heart, mind and soul. I loved that she had a strong faith. I wish we'd had more time to talk about that.
I thought she was the picture of health. Everything I felt I was not.
Looks are deceiving.
For years I've told the kids- "When they tell you do "this" and you'll live longer." You better ask God what He thinks! :o) Because He will call you home when it's your time, not because you did the right things. He is not one minute early or 1 minute late when He comes.
It's the waiting that's hard. The loneliness can be so hard to bear. I want to be with God, in His Arms, with my friends. ALL of us- embraced by God! Oh! the JOY!