Welcome!! Grab a cup of coffee and visit with us! We hope you enjoy our story! (((HUGS)))

Welcome!! Grab a cup of coffee and visit with us! We hope you enjoy our story! (((HUGS)))

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Invisible Boys

G will be leaving in a few days. He will disappear into "programs" and children's "homes" for those boys who can't function in a family. It doesn't matter that he functioned his best ever in our family. The State says he has to move on. He has already lived in 1 program and 1 other foster home before us. Three placements now going into 4 in one year. So sad.

I wish I could share the photos of him loving our older teens here. It is heart breaking. He feels safe, warm and loved. We won't tell him he's leaving until the day they take him.

His parents signed away their parental rights, his mom told him goodbye. He was o.k. with it for now because he likes where he lives. Eventually he'll wonder where they went.
But once again government rules (we can only have 10 under 18) say he never even should have even come here.

So why do they keep sending us these invisible boys who steal our hearts? Why do they hurt these boys by taking away their one possibility of a least restrictive environment?

We pray.

 The teens built him a house. We thought he'd love it! Everybody worked so hard on it!

                  Four walls decorated by 4 teens. I did the roof.

Decorated inside and out.
G hated it! LOL!!
After inspecting it, and trying it, he got ready to body slam it.
Oh my! The teens rescued it from G. And took it to their brothers.

Noah left front, Jacob left center, Moses left back.
Julius right front, Pauly right in back.
The brothers really really tried to like the house. They loved being in it with one of the older sibs. But they found no use for it on their own.

                           Jacob didn't want to stay in. :o)

Moses used it the most, only because he saw how much the older kids wanted him to like it! He tried! But he's an action guy. Not a "house" guy! So off he ran with cars in tow.

Julius tried to think of how it might work in his little curious monkey schemes. Nothing came to mind. Thank goodness he doesn't know how to body slam!!

Who are invisible boys?

(Warning what I'm going to say won't make anyone comfortable.)

They are boys that no one else has time for.

Boys like G, CC, Samson and our 5 youngest. Boys that people never ask about. Boys that if I am truthful I'd say no one really even cares about them. Seriously, IF they cared wouldn't they make time?

If I am talking to someone and bring up my boys, they go silent. They don't say anything. Sometimes someone might say "that's nice" or "cute". But they don't have time for it. They're busy.
No one has ever gone out of their way to be a part of these boy's lives. Only my mom asks how they are.

Some people blow me off and say "You are surely going to Heaven!" ...........what?.................... I just told you Noah has finally let us know he wants seconds at dinner!!??

If I ask someone to do something for the boys, help them, or heaven forbid spend time with them. (because the boys can't ask) They act as though they are doing "me" as a huge favor. Not doing it for one of our boys. Because if they do anything for our boys, the boys can't pay them back. They can't even thank them. So if others do these "favors" for me, they do expect me to be very thankful to them. Which of course I am. But I often tire of the "doing it for me", making my boys invisible again. Do we only do things for those who can repay us?

I'm the only voice my boys have.

I'm glad they don't "see" the rejection. They don't "see" that no one outside our house remembers their birthdays other than my mom. They never seem to notice the lack of interest others have for them. They smile just as happy to rude people as they do to me! :o) Should that make it o.k.?
They never had much, so they don't complain.

Some of the children we raised say all of this has only happened because it was "my choice".
My choice? that these children had nowhere to go, so I took them in? It wasn't a "choice". I responded to a need greater than me. These grown children also criticise that we took too many.
When the need was them, should I have said no? Would their lives really have been so much better? Do they realize we only get called when it's an emergency? We are the last on the list- and we said yes, because they were the un-wanted child. So since they never had to go without they can now tell us what we should have done?

Is it always so simple? Am I really in "control"?
Absolutely not.
To the adult children we raised-
God knew which children were coming here before we were all even born. God sent the children/you. I prayed for the Lord to send who (you) needed us. If you are ashamed that you were who he sent to us, talk to Him. Ask the people around you- would they have raised you? Why didn't God place you there with them?  

The bunk beds I asked my only SIL Dan to make are done. I'll show them set up in their rooms soon. We hope to get them set up this week. Dan is incredibly talented. Praise God! Poor guy possibly has no idea that he was an answer to my prayers, not just his wife's! ;o) 
(We could never afford to buy these new.) 

As G prepares to leave we are helping him gain strength- super powers. He is a Super Hero!! SUPER G!!! He did not know what the Bible was or who God was before he came. We taught him to pray. We can only accept his leaving by knowing that God will always be with him. Praise God!!

It's going to be a hard day when he leaves. Four teens are going to cry. G's heart will be broken when he realizes he's not coming back. We won't be allowed to see him. He's moving far away. But he'll never leave our hearts and prayers.

Please, find an invisible boy near you and give him a hug, or bring him a treat.


  1. I wish I was your neighbor. I would come over and love on your boys whenever I could. Your family is awesome. Bless you all.

    Sue in NY

    1. Bless your heart Sue! We'd Welcome you with open arms! (((HUGS))))

  2. I am several states away, so realistically, I won't be dropping in on you to love on your "invisible boys." Please know that I lift you, Tom, and your precious ones up in prayer instead, loving on them from afar. I've been reading your blog for a long time, and every time I check in (whether there's a new post or not), it's a reminder to me to pray for you.
    Marcia in MO

    1. God Bless you Marcia! (((HUGS)))

  3. SO sorry that G has to leave you - those that think they know best really have no clue, do they ? :( I often think of you all, and ONE of these days we'll come back to visit again !

    1. We would LOVE to see you! We think of you so often. Nathaniel must be so big now! (((HUGS)))

  4. I'm so sorry he had to go. I know you are heartbroken over it. I am too.... especially since he thrived there so well and you love him so much. I think most people who don't have disabled people in their immediate family or close in their world, are just uncomfortable... I don't think they mean anything by their views. If they had one of your boys themselves, they would have a love for any of them. : )

  5. Oh Elizabeth...a big hug from me. I am so sorry. We have prayed and prayed about "G". I know God has a plan but that does not make it any easier. I am just so sorry. I heard every word your wrote about invisible boys. I totally agree and the statistics back you up. Girls always get adopted and placed easier than boys. It is so very sad. Zeke and Antonio have never made a good friend. Ever. William has only every had one friend and it is a girl. They had a play date for years once a week since they were four or five...but that has stopped as they grew older and apart in interests. I took all my children to all kinds of home school functions hoping they would make friends and people shunned us so we stopped going. It was doing more harm than good to take them. They wondered why no one talked to us or sat with us. I totally get it. God is so good and I am content in this life God has called us to. But many things just make me sad and break my heart about it all. Praying for you all...always. Much love and Gods abundant blessings.

    1. (((((HUGS)))))))) Susan your words were truly from the Lord and consoled my heart. Thank You! Yes I love this life too, sometimes though I just have to say it like it is.


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