Welcome!! Grab a cup of coffee and visit with us! We hope you enjoy our story! (((HUGS)))

Welcome!! Grab a cup of coffee and visit with us! We hope you enjoy our story! (((HUGS)))
CLICK ON THE BOYS PICTURE TO READ OUR FAMILY BLOG

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Hope this makes sense

Julius (6) is our only little boy who is interested and inquisitive about our daily routine. He likes to "know" everything! Like where and when he goes/does next. And he wants to "help". He likes our new puppy and pets her. He signs a few signs, only signs that he likes! But he refuses to mimic sounds to speak. He understands just about everything we say to him. He understands what "pick up" means when we say "pick up it's bed time".
Julius will watch us talk or watch us do things and we encourage him to try everything with us. But he's just not interested. He can come hug me or kiss me if I ask him. He likes to make his brothers and Mercy do what we ask by pushing them toward us if we call their name. He likes to be the "rule" keeper. And yet he's our biggest rule breaker! LOL! Julius doesn't like to be told no! Lots of normal behavior!

What's different is that none of the boys know or care what Holidays are, or why we celebrate a thing called a Birthday. They have no interest in TV/Movies or popular children characters. They don't care about music, or singing or dancing. They have no favorite toy.  Julius may hold Mercy's baby doll like a "real" baby. And then he'll throw it on the floor and walk on it. They don't know what stuffed toys are for. And dolls mean nothing to Mercy. 
We don't eat a lot of sweets, but the older kids always enjoy them when we do! Not the 5 boys! Nope, they do not like ice cream, cake cookies or candy at all. They get a "pained" look in their eyes. "If" they will even take a bite! So no Birthday cakes. Mercy had been exposed to sweets so she will eat them, and of course prefers them! And my Julius unfortunately eats lots of non-edible items like carpet fuzz, stickers and kleenex with great glee.

 Pauly (6) is Autistic. He likes a toy lego only to tap on his teeth. He hates to give anything eye contact. He'd be happy just to sit and snuggle and laugh chewing on his hands. (he always chews on his hands when he laughs??!!) I could hug and squish him all day! But I have to push him to grow and learn.  
He's curious but fearful. He must have a strict routine or he has no idea what to do and that upsets him. He doesn't like anything new or different. If you call him he has to build up the courage to come, because he'd rather sit, it's security to him. If I get him to come with me, he waits his turn patiently, but if he can't wait he just does what he wants hoping it is his turn!

Moses (9) wants to run. He's figured out how to use Noah's gait trainer (walker) to run and he can manipulate it in any room even though it's bigger than him. Physical activity is everything to him. He is free from the orphanage- free from the crib, free from weighing 15 pounds with little strength barely able to sit. He climbs up the front of Daddy all day long! Tom holds his hands and he climbs! If you walk past him he grabs your pant legs and pulls to a stand and walks "with" you! He's always on the go. He's always curious- especially of the bathroom!   

Jacob (9) likes to tear, rip break and destroy! He's the only boy who can manipulate certain electronic toys to stop working, every- single- time!! He also kicks, hits and pinches his siblings- and then laughs. He only wants to do what he wants to do or he cries and "yells" at you! Jacob does not like to be included in activities.
But you can't help but love him. He's a little lost soul trying to find his way- on his terms. He prefers us to strangers and shows us he appreciates all we do by that. He has always been fearful of people, for good reason. So his trust is prized here!

 Noah (10) is just love. He always makes each day a happy day for himself and us! But he chews, and chews. He chews his clothes and our clothes, books, toys, rugs. He's a chewing machine. He likes to be included in everything. Sometimes his feelings get hurt and you can't console him. That's hard. He's kept the most behaviors from the orphanage as the oldest. He still rocks on his back arching his neck rubbing off hair. He still pokes his eyes and chews his hand. We let it go, except for eye poking, because he's such a good natured boy, and he does these things without thinking. It was how he survived 9 years. 
  
Mercy (6) does like one baby toy that pops balls. She'll pop it in anger, or just pop it to comfort herself. Almost an Autistic behavior. If it is missing or a brother has taken it she SCREAMS! 
Mostly she prefers ripping pages out of books and catalogs that are not hers. And getting into her sisters things. 

Some days I feel sad. I feel a loss for some of the behaviors we tend to think all children have, or should have, but these 6 children don't. I expected them to appreciate what our other kids did, even our older special needs kids. Like having an interest or a favorite something- anything!!

Things like-
Getting excited that their Birthday is coming- they don't get excited about, they don't understand. The Birthdays come and go with a favorite dinner made for them and a small gift of a toy or book that they throw aside with no interest.
They don't want "things". So what to buy? 
If a new animated movie or cartoon character comes out- they don't notice or see.
If a fun/popular song like "Let it go" is sung/played over and over, it means nothing to them.
If we buy them a shirt with a cute picture/character- they don't pay attention.
If we buy them cute clothes and shoes they don't really care.
If we have something new in the house, they aren't interested.
If we go somewhere fun like shopping, out to eat, the park, up north they fret over the change/changes in their schedule. They don't enjoy it.
If we celebrate good news they watch us.
If their older siblings have fun things- they don't notice.

You might think, with time this should come. We did too. But Julius and Pauly our youngest boys came home at age 4, and both have been here almost 3 years. The only things they've really picked up on enjoying is us and our relationship with them. Of course those are the most important things of all!
Noah, Moses and Jacob have been here almost 2 years, they came home much older. (7,7,9) They actually appreciated us faster and earlier than the younger boys. But with time they are even less interested in "things" than the younger two. 
And then there is Mercy our Sleepless Beauty! She always has to trump all 5 boys! *wink*. She has only been here a year and now she's ready to move on since a year is the longest she's lived anywhere! She doesn't appreciate us yet, but we have hope that she will! We certainly appreciate her!

I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining! I'm not complaining. It's just hard sometimes. I just miss sharing the excitement of Birthdays and Holidays with them. Or getting them something special. Or asking them who a popular character is like Barney. Or where the toy cars are. Or playing with a toy with them that they enjoy.

I wouldn't change them for the world! They are perfect in every way. And their LOVE of us is the only thing that matters. And they do get that. They do understand that. Now I need to toss these cultural expectations and enjoy what we have!
I thank God for what we have!

8 comments:

  1. I have to be honest -- it sounds like it could be really hard some days. Of my five with DS, only Sophia shows no interest in things. She doesn't really seem to care about us, or even look at us very often. That is hard for me sometimes so I can imagine how you could feel some days. Of course, we love Sophia and understand why she has so many difficulties, but it can be hard some days. You seem to be so wonderful with your boys -- actually all of your kids. God bless you. I love reading about your family.

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    1. I think it is more kind of "lonely" some days if that makes sense! A hard "lonely" :o) When you wonder what it means to live with so many little people who don't respond to you the way you are used to, or the other kids. Even Samson and Mary Ann can humor me even if they aren't interested in what I'm doing! LOL!!
      Thank You Sharon!! ((((HUGS))))

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    2. I think I do understand what you are saying about it being lonely.

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  2. What wonderful little blessings you have all around you! God built your family knowing these things about them and that you would love them anyway and they you, in their own way, that they can show you. I know it must be hard at times. Life just is sometimes, when we serve God with our whole self and life. God is so good. Praying for you always. This is the life of giving our life to God because He gave His life for us! Trust me...you will get plenty of hugs and love from them in heaven for eternity, for all you have selflessly done for them all here, in this short life on earth! Blessings!

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    1. Thank You Susan! (((HUG)))
      You are always so encouraging! Love your blog!
      I didn't even think of that! In Heaven they will call me mom and hug and kiss me with recognition! YES!! Praise God!!

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  3. What a blessing to stop in and see several posts! My heart is with you, friend! Love you!

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  4. I too, have some kids that don't really notice much and live in their own world. I miss being able to show them the pretty bird or the new puppy or calf. They don't care. But at least they do respond to affection and are excited when I come home after being gone. We have a new foster daughter who is 9. She mentally handicapped and autistic. She feels overwhelmed real quick if I hold her or stay to close to her for very long. My other autistic kids are not that way and like to be close so this is new to me. I hope I can win her over. She is adorable and usually content. It just seems different that she wants to be by herself.

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    1. Hi! Hope!! It is hard isn't it! Our Mercy will cover her face when we change her diaper so she doesn't have to look at us. And when she's having a bad day she throws her arms up in the air to get away if we try to console her.
      The boys aren't that way- but it's hard when I show them something new or tell them about things like new foods, or toys and they look at me like they just don't get it! I resolve my sadness with bear hugging them and lots of kisses. At least it isn't rejection from them! :o)
      They just don't understand.
      I hope some day they develop interest in something we can share!
      ((((HUGS)))

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I love comments :o) so please be kind! (((HUG)))