Friday, September 20, 2013
Pauly home 2 years!
I'm sorry this is long over due. We had a wedding, a new puppy and today is Pauly and Mercy's 6th birthday!! It would also be our daughter Joy's 25th birthday if she was with us. (she's in Heaven) We are not celebrating until tomorrow so MA can join us! (she has senior center week days)
Our Pauly home 2 years!!
When Tom was visiting Pauly in the orphanage, the 2nd visit~ he laughed with great JOY from his entire body! The staff was in shock. They said he was a "serious" boy, never laughed. But somehow Pauly LOVED Tom right away and from then on each visit brought great JOY to him. And the staff believed it was a spiritual gift. We do too!
Of course Tom had to leave and could not go back for him, for 5 more months.
Pauly being used to disappointment, living in fear. Yet still, I'm sure it set him back to lose his new friend. But pain was nothing new to him.
And then Tom did come back. Julius and Pauly went to the hotel and they cried with fear.
Pauly attacked Julius out of fear. Pulling his hair and knocking him down.
He has a good reason to fear, he has a huge "mountain" of a scar from his heart surgery where the ribs were re-connected as a very small baby.
I'm sure he must have cried in pain and terror after that surgery. Causing the ribs to misaline.(sp?)
And that fear was the beginning of his shutting down.
Shutting out the world.
So he could cope.
Developing Autistic behavior.
My precious precious baby. My heart holds the heavy burden of your pain with my LOVE.
Every mom with a bruised child from an orphanage carries this pain. Where oh where was I when he cried out? Where was I when he needed to be held? To be loved? Oh where oh where? As a mom you have the overwhelming urge to have been there.
Pauly loves to be with me. He looks for me! Recently he actually started getting out of his bed- just like the other boys try. But instead of finding trouble or running away~ he runs to me.
Do you know how hard it is to discipline him for getting out of bed when all he wants is to sit with me? Impossible!
So I make sure he gets his mommy time. :o)
He giggles when he's with me. He wants me to tickle him. I don't even have to tickle him- I can say "ticky-ticky" in my tickling voice and he rolls around with laughter in anticipation!
He doesn't seek to communicate with us.
We tell him "No hum Pauly"
We say "Yah-Yah-ba-ba-ga-ga" We encourage him to make consonant sounds. He used to say "yah-yah". And then he learned to make the highest pitched squeal we've ever heard!!
Till we told him "No squeal Pauly"
And he did stop.
He learns, he listens, it all takes time. :o)
Our hearts hurt to hear and see this.
We tried to stop it.
And then one day we heard a noise that sounded like a loud slap. We looked towards him and there he was sitting, fully satisfied that he had done a big loud clap!! LOL!!
Now at night you might hear him clapping- crazy kid!
Or you may hear him laughing like something is un-believably funny while the rest of the boys are sleeping!
His ears bother him. He was scheduled for his 2nd tube surgery but he became ill. It will be this month now.
He has a hard time falling asleep.
Late in the night I hear him and remind him to "shhh" because the other boys are sleeping.
Isaiah even has to stop his loud rocking in the middle of the night, when it gets to be too much. Firmly laying him down with a "shh" reminder. Most times he listens. :o)
I know you are in there- I see you! And I LOVE you with every ounce of my being. I can't remember my life before you came.
His upper lip is chapped from licking. He goes through spurts of licking continuously. Sometimes I put a tiny bit of the stop thumb sucking liquid under his nose. Immediately he knows this means no licking. He stops.
He also knows how to wipe it off.
We use it only as a last resort when the chapped turns to bleeding. Careful that the medicine does not touch the chapped area. He holds his head still.
He has just started learning to "listen"
Before he memorized routines and just did them. Example- I used to always change his diaper first. So when it was diaper change time he just came to me first. If I asked him to wait, he could not accept it. So I decided I needed to mix things up everyday so he would "listen" to what I said.
One place he waits his turn is on a stool by me. So if he gets in the way of my helping another boy I say "go sit". He used to just hear the "go" part and he would "go" wherever he thought he should. But it wasn't where he needed to be! :o) Now he understands- "go sit", "go play" "go to bed". He "listens" to the words and goes to the correct place!
Of course when he does the right thing we clap a lot! :o)
That is pretty amazing considering that when he is with us he often reacts to what he thinks we are doing. If he thinks he doesn't like it he begins to hum, stiffen, make hand gestures, turn his head and eyes away. We pull him back in with us by holding his hands, holding him, and talking. And now he hears us! Precious boy!
He is very easy to love. He is very vulnerable, you want to protect him. And yet he shows us he can do things. When he refused to walk last year. He saw Noah standing with Julius and he decided he should too! When the new brothers came they were fast and active. He learned to quietly come beside them and hold their hands. (Altho I'm sad to say only Noah and Julius will return the affection. It breaks my heart to see the others push his little hand away.) When we need him to listen he does.
There is still so much work to do to get him more independent.
It is a work of LOVE.
Just yesterday he put his spoon to his mouth on his own at breakfast! No hand over hand- he tried it.
Fear holds him back, LOVE brings him forward.
I learn from him every day!