Just to let you know- my LOVE for the boys is great. But I struggle too.
Some days I struggle with-
Will he ever realize that I'm not mean- I'm teaching him life skills that he desperately needs for his future. Some days it feels like there will never be enough time to catch up.
will he ever learn that being oppositional will make life harder for him, not easier. That doing nice things is more rewarding than asking for attention by doing the wrong thing. His fight or flight responses when he's in trouble are ever on the ready. I hoped he'd learn more trust. He melts in my arms, he's truly a mommas boy. (who refuses to say mamma unless I'm not in the room) LOL! He is signing mamma- only he signs it from his mouth not his chin- which does describe me well- I'm the one who makes the food! :o)
Out of all 5 boys he has the highest IQ. But then I've always said- IQ means nothing if you aren't willing to work your hardest at what you need to do.
who is so far behind everybody at 8 years old. How do we catch up. How can he understand that eating is good. That we only feed him because we love him, and we promised him he'd never skip a meal. And we are the only ones who "expect" him to do great things as others treat him as a baby. Some days we wonder- what can we expect him to do in the future?
who fights eye contact and lives in his own little world. Only coming out to interact with us if we beg him. Calling his name over and over with LOVE in our voices. He smiles at us, and as quickly as he heard us he leaves us again. His favorite thing in the whole world is to be tickled- so we do! Every so often out of the blue he'll laugh so joyfully you wonder- is he happy- does he feel LOVED? He doesn't have a favorite person here. He'll walk to any stranger and then complain loudly because he really doesn't want to be with them. He knows who we are- he just doesn't know how to come back to us............:o(
Is it because there are 5 of them? That I often feel easily defeated by the tiny strides we make. Should we have adopted only one boy to concentrate on fully?
No I don't think so. Our purpose for adopting was to save lives.
But when I struggle these are very human/real things I think about.
They are tools satan uses to confuse me, and tear away at the LOVE we have for each boy. Sometimes I catch my struggles quickly and tell myself I'm thinking foolishly. Other times I don't catch these thoughts and I let them settle in my mind, seeping in slowly and stealing the JOY I know I have.
|2Cor 10:5||We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.|
Thank You Lord- for your LIVING Word!!
(((HUGS))) to all you Mommas! You are incredible!