Wednesday, January 30, 2013
"the 5 boys"
"the first two"
"the last three"
"mom's boys" (higher functioning- mom teaches skills to)
"dad's boys" (lower functioning-newer here, dad does total cares for)
This is how we describe them as we roll into our routines for the day. As we talk to Drs, visitors, friends, relatives. This is how we keep them "straight" LOL! As we get the boys through their very important days.
I've always said it takes me a good 6 months to adjust to new family members, whether by adoption, birth or group home clients. I've heard families say they adjust much quicker. Not me.
You might re-call I wrote posts like these starting August 2011- http://theroaddownhome.blogspot.com/2011/08/rough-rough-rough-days-need-son-shine-o.html
when Julius and Pauly joined us.
Those were long hard days that blended fitfully into the next day; until we finally made small break throughs. Biting stopped, teeth grinding stopped, fitful sleep stopped. And then we made a few headways, they ate well, they stopped running away and ever so slowly we eventually started flying as a family!! Yup, about 6 months later! Once we started flying we never looked back! The boys were amazing in that they bonded so differently/sweetly than kids who hadn't lived in orphanages. Julius and Pauly had never been asked to bond before! That was a big thing for them. If they had bonded before with anyone it was on "their" terms. They fought us setting up the bonding. And yet once bonded, they have a very endearing quality to their very real bonds with us! By the time the next 3 boys came we could actually see and feel that we were completely bonded to Julius and Pauly and they to us. It was such a joyful feeling! And our difficult days were hard to even remember!
The last 3 boys slid easily into our family.
They are older- 9 yrs, 7 1/2 yrs & 7 1/2 yrs.
They were more severely neglected.
They had less than less and yet they were easier!
They mourned little of their past.
Once they saw the food, the beds, the people, the love the affection, they were so busy soaking it up, they didn't look back. They were happy with so little compared to Julius and Pauly. The many many self stims that Jacob had (they were the most I'd ever seen any adult or child have) have slowly, slowly faded away. Why? Only from answered prayer; because we were too overwhelmed as to how to help him. Our PT friends were overwhelmed as well since they had never seen many of these self stims in kids before. They had even suggested trying a psychiatrist. But first we are doing his surgery. Maybe by the time his surgery is done he will have stopped the most worrisome ones!
The only self stims Noah and Mosie have needed help with are spitting. And Noah's chewing. he chews everything. We saw this with Pauly too, and Pauly no longer does this. Those two are not very many when you consider where they came from.
If it had been me. I would have been more like Jacob- I would have needed a lot of self stims to survive. (especially after brain surgery and a month in a hospital alone) So to see these things melt away with him is Awesome- it is God's Loving Hand! It is definitely not us. Jacob is my super survivor.
I remember thinking 6 months was a loooong road with no end in sight for my J & P. But this time is different. Easier. So blessed. The light at the end of the 6 month tunnel shines brightly! Progress comes daily. JOY comes every morning!
The last time I shared/posted our morning routine; I described many hands helping. Older kids dressing. Lots of dressing, undressing, changing, feeding, night time supervising. Tom and I tag team diapering. Tom feeding the "new" boys, me feeding J & P. All of us exhausted in wonderful happy ways at the end of each day. Those long hard days are already over!
This morning a half hour before everyone got up. I woke up 5 of the cutest boys on the planet on my own. Dressed and diapered them, put pajamas and sleep sacks away. Threw out diapers. Fed 4 of them (Tom stole Mosie! LOL!) And woke up my 4 sleepy headed helpers! All my helpers needed to do was dress, eat, brush teeth, put dogs out. (I had fixed their breakfast first)
I can't wait to see the JOY 6 months (March) brings! And by next year- September, I "see" the the JOY of being completely and forever bonded with 3 more boys. Yup! The cuuuuutest boys on the planet!