A very well meaning adoption professional told me she hoped the "honeymoon" with the 3 boys would last forever for us, but when it was over; if we had any problems we should let her know if she could help!
What??!! Were we having a honeymoon and I missed it!? LOL!!
We know what "honeymoons" are. We had them with lots of our kids.
The kids seemingly settle in with you. They seem to "love" you and then, they notice you have..........pimples!! And you notice they.................smack their lips extra loud as they eat! LOL!!
Maybe we are strange..........but I really don't think so (in this case any way! *wink*) but we had no honeymoon last year with Julius and Pauly and we have had none this year with the 3 luv bugs!
I have seen this same kind of lack of honeymoon (that I'm going to describe about our boys) with families adopting from Ch*ina. The children do not usually start out happy to see you, and are not too happy to leave with you and get to know you. They cry, they grieve, they are frightened, they don't "really" like you right away. Even if you have gifts.
Maybe this is good to be rejected at first? Our little 5 1/2 yr old Korean daughter, "loved" everybody. That's how we got her. The family who brought her over had an amazing honeymoon with her and then............ she loved everybody! She grew up with us and had RAD. So maybe it's good?! if they reject you and then grow to accept you? Just thinking out loud~ I'm so not a professional~ just lots of mom intuition!
But back to our boys!!
Nope no honeymoon.
The first 2, ages 4 and almost 4 years old; came home and moaned and groaned and gnashed their teeth till I thought (6 months later) it would neeeeever end! They were picky and refused food, affection and had fears of everything.
Nope, that's not a honeymoon!
But one magical day (don't ask me when cuz I was half asleep and ready to cry!) they looked at me and decided "You know what? Your o.k.!!"
(These are "rejection" photos in the hotel.
Julius in blue, Pauly in green.)
Then this year, we brought home 3 "older" boys. Ages 9,7 1/2 and 7 1/2.
These boys had much more life experience.
Not good experience, but they knew more.
They have watched and read people for yeeeears! Often when I tell people this, they think that because the boys have such big delays with their DS that they "know nothing".
That strikes me as odd, because they are not dumb. Delayed does not mean not knowing. They are quite bright and quick learners considering the torture they endured.
Last Friday Moses had his physical~ Monday~ Noah had his and Tuesday was Jacob. (Yes I tried to stretch out the appointments but with the Drs schedule this was the best we could do!) So I'm exhausted!
The Dr was so distressed by Moses' size and what to do for him she forgot to do his shots and blood. We waited in the waiting room and they shooo'd us home. So Mosie goes back Monday. :o)
Noah and Jakie have all their shots and blood and x-rays done! Yeah!
I don't need to tell you that all 3 boys hated the labs and xrays. (Mosie did get xrays)
At the end of Noah's Dr visit he realized that the people there were wearing "lab coats" like the orphanage staff. We had to do xray and labs next, but he freaked out by the familiar uniform and started screaming. He climbed to the top of my head and started ripping my hair out, hanging onto my hair with all his might. He was in full blown terror. My Isaiah was my helper that day and he was walking behind us whispering "Mom, he's pulling out your hair!" Poor Isaiah, he was worried about how crazy we looked. All I could think about was how to help Noah feel safe. Was he afraid I was giving him away to these people? Or did he want to stay there with them? Who can imagine what my precious boy was thinking.
I did get Noah calmed down, and he was never so happy to go "home" after xray and labs. Once home everyone greeted him with LOVE and excitement like an honored family member! :o) It's the most fun of leaving! Returning to everyone waiting for you!
This morning, the day after Jacob's Dr visit. We got the boys up as usual. And Noah came into my room for his diaper change laughing and smiling. He was so happy. Next Jacob came for his change and he too was all smiles~ very odd! They tend to look tired and sleepy first thing in the morning.
These two have not been easy to win over. These two had their doubts about us. This morning they let them all go!
Mosie had been won over after only 2 weeks here. Because he's so much more dependent on help, he couldn't really reject us as easily. Once it made sense to him that we LOVED him, he let go easier, and trusted.
The honeymoon is over! We won their LOVE! LOL! It took only a month compared to the 6 months younger boys needed. And we are now greeted with smiles and laughter, instead of the calm sedated "o.k. change my diaper" attitude.
I really think the "older" boys are much easier to transition into a family. Younger isn't always easier. Our older boys are more appreciative. They are easier to console. They don't cry at Dr appointments. (unless they have a "flashback") They have less fears. They are more willing to try things. Julius' first trip to Walmart with Dad ended up with him drooling in fear. The older boys like to go outside and see new things.
Thank You well meaning adoption advocate, but we didn't have a honeymoon. We had the hard part first. And now the rest is pretty darn easy! (to us anyway *wink*)