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Welcome!! Grab a cup of coffee and visit with us! We hope you enjoy our story! (((HUGS)))

Monday, November 21, 2011

Boys who were deprived many years don't ask for anything

I wanted to share that we had made a big mistake and purchased many things for our little boys. Things that they do not like or know what to do with.

We bought Curious George, Toy Story and Handy Manny jammies and clothes. Just like their big brothers have/had. They could care less who popular characters are. They don't like TV or DVDs or even music! SHOCK! Clothes on or off mean nothing.

Tom saw that Julius loved a soft book when he visited them the first time. That was it, Julius held a book in his hands for 5 days. And Pauly liked nothing from what he could tell. So we did buy a few soft books. We also bought a stuffed bear for each, hoping they would attach to a soft toy. They never looked at the bears. Pauly chose our soft "Mr Worm" toy that is 11 years old and been thru 4 other kids. He is now chewing it up. So Mr Worm won't last another child. :o) I bought Julius a blue puppy that sings the abc song after he was home a month. Julius loves to manipulate electronics. But his favorite toy is carrying a small magnetic drawing board with its "pencil" dangling. He does not write on it, use it or play with it. He also loves his Lufthansa airplane toy to carry. Pauly hates manipulating electronic toys- he tries to shake them to death to get them to turn on. So he turns his back on everything except the vibrating teether and Mr. Worm.

Honestly, the things we already had- a few plastic trucks, blocks, a fun doorway from playschool that opens and shuts and plays music, some old baby toys. These things were already almost too much for little boys who have had nothing. We would have saved money by waiting until they came home.

All they needed was us.

The electronic story books we bought hold no interest. The soft cute blankies are chewed up and spit on. Their clothes mean nothing.

Some days I wonder if they'll ever "get it"? This is home. This is theirs. These things are fun. These characters are cute. We can dance to music! We can laugh at a "show".

But until then we just hold them. Work hard to keep their attention. We'd like them to learn from watching us but their attention span is 0. Right now Julius is trying to "get away" from everyone. He has cried alot the last 2 days out of frustration. Escaping is all he knows so we keep him with us. Pauly looks past us when we talk to him. We make alphabet sounds for them and teach them to talk quietly. They yell loud gurgling long sentences without consonants. They yell like they are talking to someone else? But we are the only ones here! They understand us more. We understand nothing they say.

My little survivors. I feel like Ann the teacher for Helen Keller. I want to reach in and pull them out. But until that happens they are still fighting all of this newness. The honeymoon is over. They want to go back now. Their stages of grief are predictable and long. We've done this with children before. It never gets easier. Often we cry with them, for the losses that they have had and for the losses they don't even know.


  1. Very sorry to hear that your family is having a tough time right now. Although the subject matter is not what you would like for it to be, you nevertheless express yourself elegantly. You all are in my thoughts.

  2. It's funny- I've thought of the whole Helen Keller situation MANY times since these boys have come home; especially with Peter!

    Our boys are FINALLY beginning to play with things (though we still have our share of items slamming against the walls every day!). I would say, it hasn't been more then a month or so this began to happen (5 mos home). We went to the used children's store the other day..bought $40 worth of used toys with buttons and noises for their Christmas presents (and Nathan's bday in January). I left two out to play with now...they LOVE them. Oh...my...how I've always HATED toys with buttons and noises. But, now they really like them- and the music and buttons fill sensory gaps when the rest of us get tired of trying to fill them (esp. with Peter). They will play with the same toy all day long; then play with another the next day. Fortunately that works as they don't fight over a specific toy much...they just wait until the next day then have it for hours!! LOL! So, NOW toys with noise...they are my best friends. Next to my steam cleaner :) In the past, I have thought to only buy new things for the adopted kids (they've always gotten used- I want them to finally have NEW I used to think). But, what you learned is correct- they aren't ready for all this "stuff" when they come home. We save our $$ until they get older or "get it" more now days. Blessings, Jennifer

  3. The picture you posted looks so much like a similar expression my Tallie gets. It makes me sad to know what they have been through but Happy that now they get to live! Takes a little while for them to know it though!


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