Welcome!! Grab a cup of coffee and visit with us! We hope you enjoy our story! (((HUGS)))

Welcome!! Grab a cup of coffee and visit with us! We hope you enjoy our story! (((HUGS)))
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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Control

October 8th we pack up everything. Time to push in the 5th wheel slider. Set out the mouse traps- about 30. Throw around the stinky lavender moth ball sachets that mice hate. And go home with about 20 loads of end of the year laundry!

Julius & Pauly don't know yet what home is. They had left their only home, the orphanage, for 5 days in a hotel with Dad and Gabe. They never had a Dad or brother before. Then they left their Country of birth for a 30 hour trip "home", to a foreign land, a new Country. After being "home" only 2 weeks, they left to go up north on vacation. After 5 weeks on vacation they will once again return "home". The only constant these 2 months for them has been the people- their family- us. I can't begin to imagine how confusing this has been for them. Today I realized- they want some control. I know I'm slow!

I think some of their odd behaviors like- enjoying a meal but then hating it a few days later is just one of their many attempts at wanting some control. Things like pushing us away. Not responding to affection. I wasn't thinking of "control" issues with these 2 pumpkins because they are so young and their behaviors are so immature. But I know even babies like control! I vividly remember when we adopted Andy at 7 1/2, control was a huge issue. It was how he tried to make sense out of everyone telling him what to do. Same with Molly at 5 1/2, she too wanted control. Control can be a means of survival for children.

Recently the boys have decided to control when they sleep. They like staying up late- 12 a.m. to 1 a.m. They like to sleep in- till close to lunch. They don't want to take a nap till 5 p.m. instead of 1 p.m. after lunch. These new times mess things up for the rest of us! But bless their little hearts they sure are giving it their best shot to control their sleep! LOL!

Pauly likes to control how much interaction he allows us to have with him. He tunes us out quickly. He isn't interested in more than a few minutes of attention. Quick short bursts, and he's done. The rest of the time he becomes introverted in his autistic type behaviors. Julius will allow lots of interaction. But he won't respond. We kiss him, hug him, he's fine with it all. But he does not acknowledge us or what we are doing.

Patience with the boys is hard sometimes, day after day the boys choose not to interact. Everything we do seems to be so strange to them. They choose not to mimic games and desired behavior we teach them. They choose not to put foods in their own mouths or make vocal sounds, or attempt to dress themselves. We remind ourselves that we are doing this without expecting results any time soon. Easier said than done! :o)
I hug and love on the rest of the kids in an exaggerated manner, to show the boys how we respond to each other and how much fun it is. They watch. They see. We hope eventually they will want to express this kind of affection with us too.

It's funny that as much as we try to keep our routine the same, so that they know what to expect- they are trying to change it!

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